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* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *







* A free and clean comedy newsletter sent *







* to e-mail subscribers five times a week *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *







*   Vol. 4, Issue 5: Fri, Aug. 18, 2000   *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *







* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes















# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E















1. Picking up the Priest







2. Painting road lines







3. Employee evaluation















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# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y















1. Picking up the Priest















There is a truck driver driving along,







and he stops and picks up a priest to







give him a ride.















He's driving down the highway and he







sees a lawyer along the side of the







road and things, "Awesome! A lawyer







that I could run over!" So he speeds up







and heads straight for him.















At the last second he remembers the







priest with him. So he swerves real







quick to miss him, but still hears a







thump. He looks behind, no sign of the







lawyer.















He says to the priest "Wow, that was







a close one, I almost hit that lawyer!"















The priest then replies "That's ok son,







I got him with my door."















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2. Painting road lines















A blonde who had been unemployed for







several months got a job with Public







Works. She was to paint lines down the







center of a rural road. The supervisor







told her that she was on probation and







that she must stay at or above the set







average of 2 miles per day to remain







employed.















The blonde agreed to the conditions and







starts right away. The supervisor checking







up at the end of the day, found that the







blonde had completed 4 miles on her first







day, double the average! "Great," he told







her, "I think you're really going to work







out."















The next day, however, he was disappointed







to find that the blonde only accomplished







2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well







she's still at the average and I don't







want to discourage her, so I'll just keep







quiet."















On the third day, the blonde only did one







mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk







to her before this gets any worse." The







boss pulled the new employee in and says,







"You were doing so great. The first day







you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles,







but yesterday you only did one mile. Why?







Is there a problem? An injury, equipment







failure? What's keeping you from meeting







the 2 mile minimum?"















The blonde replied, "Well, each day I keep







getting farther and farther away







from the bucket."















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3. Employee evaluation















Be sure to read through to the bottom...















1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer,







can always be found















2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob







works independently, without















3 wasting company time talking to







colleagues. Bob never















4 thinks twice about assisting fellow







employees, and he always















5 finishes given assignments on time.







Often he takes extended















6 measures to complete his work,







sometimes skipping coffee















7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated







individual who has absolutely no















8 vanity in spite of his high







accomplishments and profound















9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe







that Bob can be















10 classed as a high-caliber employee,







the type which cannot be















11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly







recommend that Bob be















12 promoted to executive management,







and a proposal will be















13 executed as soon as possible.















Addendum:







That idiot was standing over my shoulder







while I wrote the report sent to you







earlier today. Kindly re-read only the







odd numbered lines.















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