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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *
* A free and clean comedy newsletter sent *
* to e-mail subscribers five times a week *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* Vol. 2, Issue 4: Thu, Jul. 27, 2000 *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes
# I N T O D A Y ' S I S S U E
1. Taking a final exam
2. Testing blonde detectives
3. Technical support troubles
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# J O K E S F O R T O D A Y
1. Taking a final exam
A young student reports for a final examination
that consists of only true false type statements.
The student takes a seat in the hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, removes a
coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet. Heads means true, tails means false.
The young student is all done in 30 minutes while
the rest of the class is sweating it out.
But, suddenly, during the last few minutes, the
young student is seen desperately throwing the
coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches the student
and asks what is going on. "Well, I finished the
exam in half an hour," says the student, "but I
thought I ought to recheck my answers."
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2. Testing blonde detectives
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were
training to become detectives. To test their
skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first blonde a picture for 5 second and then
hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize
him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll
catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because
the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response,
he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the
second blonde and asks her, "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and
says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he
only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the
matter with you two?? Of course only one eye
and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture
of his profile!! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows
the picture to the third blonde and in a very
testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him?" He quickly adds
"...think hard before giving me a stupid
answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for
a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears
contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless
because he really doesn't know himself if the
suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer...wait
here for a few minutes while I check his file
and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office,
checks the suspect's file in his computer, and
comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The
suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good
work! How were you able to make such an astute
observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't
wear regular glasses because he only has one
eye and one ear."
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* For any of you who have ever had to work
as technical support or help others with
computers, you will be able to relate to
this next joke.
3. Technical support troubles
Tech: What is your User Name?
Cust: John Smith.
Tech: (searching for user name johnsmith to
no avail) that's your USER Name, your login
name?
Cust: Yep.
Tech: .. (search for cust acct by last name,
find a million Smiths.. finally find their
acct.) We have your user name listed as
"wolf231".
Cust: Yep.
Tech: Not John Smith.
Cust: Yep.
Tech: ...
----
Tech: What error message are you getting?
Cust: I'm not getting an error, it just
won't connect.
Tech: Nothing comes up when you try to
connect?
Cust: Nope, nothing happens at all. It
doesn't say anything.
Tech: .. and nothing appears on the screen
what-so-ever..?
Cust: Nope.
Tech: Well.. What happens to lead you to
believe that it isn't working?
Cust: It says Error 691, User Name or
Password..
Tech: That's what we in the buisness call
an ERROR MESSAGE.
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Tech: Goto My Computer on your desktop.
Cust: Yes, I have a computer on my desk.
Tech: No. There is an ICON on your desktop
called My Computer, double click on it and
it will open.
Cust: I don't see Your Computer.
Tech: No, it is called My Computer, not
literally mine, it's just the name
of it.
Cust: Ok.. just a sec.. <5 mins later> -
hm.. Now what is the desktop again?
Tech: .. It's where the background is.. you
know. It has all the little small pictures
of stuff that you click on on it.
----
Tech: "OK Bob, let's press the control and
escape keys at the same time. That brings up
a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the
Program Manager."
Cust: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Cust: "What do you mean?"
Tech: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Cust: "I'm not going to do that!"
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# S I T E L I N K S
Web site: Http://www.AhaJokes.com/
Terms: Http://www.AhaJokes.com/terms.html
Contact: Webmaster@AhaJokes.com
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