* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *







* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *







* A free and clean comedy newsletter sent *







* to e-mail subscribers five times a week *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *







*   Vol. 2, Issue 5: Fri, Jul. 28, 2000   *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 







* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes















# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E















1. The ghost encounter







2. Detective examining bodies







3. Send cigars to the Judge







4. Featured cartoon for today















# C O M E D Y  M A N  S A Y S . . .















I'd just like to send out a special







thank you to all subscribers.  I hope







you've enjoyed Laughing Gas thus far,







and always welcome suggestions for







improvement.  Have a great weekend.















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# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y















1. The ghost encounter















Two guys left the bar after a long night of







drinking, jumped in the car and started it







up. After a couple of minutes, an old man







appeared in the passenger window and tapped







lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at







the window. There's an old ghost's face







there!" The driver sped up, but the old







man's face stayed in the window















The passenger rolled his window down part







way and, scared out of his wits, said,







"What do you want?"















The old man softly replied, "You got any







tobacco?"















The passenger handed the old man a







cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to







the driver, rolling up the window in







terror.















A few minutes later they calmed down and







started laughing again. The driver said,







"I don't know what happened, but don't







worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80







now." All of a sudden there was a light







tapping on the window and the old man







reappeared.















"There he is again," the passenger yelled.







He rolled down the window and shakily said,







"Yes?"















"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly







asked. The passenger threw a lighter out







the window saying, "Step on it!"















They were driving about 100 miles an hour,







trying to forget what they had just seen and







heard, when all of a sudden there came some







more tapping.















"Oh no! He's back!" The passenger rolled







down the window and screamed in stark







terror, "WHAT NOW?"















The old man gently replied, "You want some







help getting out of the mud?"















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2. Detective examining bodies















Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary,







all with very big smiles on their faces.







The coroner calls the police to show them







what has happened.















A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken







straight to the first body. "Englishman,







60, died whilst reading a joke newsletter.







Hence the enormous smile Inspector", says







the Coroner.















The DI is taken to the second dead man.















"Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the







lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of







alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."















"Nothing unusual here", thinks the DI,







and asks to be shown the last body.















"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most







unusual one. Irishman, 30, struck by







lightning.















"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the







Inspector.















To which the coroner replies: "Thought he







was having his picture taken".















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3. Send cigars to the Judge















A defendant in a lawsuit involving large







sums of money was talking to his lawyer.







"If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."







"It's in the judge's hands now," said the







lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the







judge a box of cigars?"















"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or







ethical behavior. A stunt like that would







prejudice him against you. He might even







hold you in contempt of court. In fact,







you shouldn't even smile at the judge."















Within the course of time, the judge







rendered a decision in favor of the







defendant. As the defendant left the







courthouse, he said to his lawyer,







"Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It







worked!"















"I'm sure we would have lost the case if







you'd sent them."















"But, I did send them."















"What? You did?" said the lawyer,







incredulously.















"Yes. That's how we won the case."















"I don't understand," said the lawyer.















"It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge,







but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."















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4. Featured cartoon for today















Check out this dragon and his clever trick,







as he battles two oncoming warriors.  Just







go to the Web address below to see it!















http://www.ahajokes.com/crt251.html















# S I T E  L I N K S















Web site: Http://www.AhaJokes.com/







Terms: Http://www.AhaJokes.com/terms.html







Contact: Webmaster@AhaJokes.com