Lightbulb Jokes

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it ?




Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.




Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Define "lightbulb".




Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Two. One to change it and one to think deeply and come up with a real gem, such as "Well there you are, standing on a chair, changing a lightbulb. Here we see the difference between a cat and a dog. If you have a cat, it looks up at you, thinks 'What are you doing ?', and walks off. But if you have a dog, it's looking up at you and thinking 'Well, I dunno what you're doing, but I love you anyway.'




Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The bulb isn't bright enough.




Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The dim bulbs aren't "changed," they are humanely euthanized.




Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and syllable; nine columnists to write about it from radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven Quibblers who delight in pointing out others' mistakes (what is said is not as important as saying it correctly); six conservatives who believe things should stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that action should be taken immediately to form a committee to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree on principal with anything anyone else has suggested; three peacemakers who believe it's more important to work it out without showing any more emotions than necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain that numbers are more important than facts; and one pragmatist to ignore the bureaucratic piles of paperwork and replace the bad bulb with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make absolutely sure what it really does add up to 66.




Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have changed it to "light bulb".