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* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *







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*    Vol. 1, Issue 2: Tue, Jul. 11, 2000  *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 







* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes















# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E















1. Making it into Heaven







2. Missing a final exam







3. A terrible car crash















# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y















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1. Making it into Heaven















Recently a teacher, a garbage collector,







and a lawyer wound up together at the







Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them







that in order to get into Heaven, they







would each have to answer one question. 















St. Peter addressed the teacher and







asked, "What was the name of the ship







that crashed into the iceberg? They







just made a movie about it." 















The teacher answered quickly, "That







would be the Titanic." St. Peter let







him through the gate. 















St. Peter turned to the garbage man







and, figuring Heaven didn't *really*







need all the odors that this guy







would bring with him, decided to make







the question a little harder: "How







many people died on the ship?" 















Fortunately for him, the trash man







had just seen the movie. "1,228,"







he answered. 















"That's right! You may enter." 







St. Peter then turned his head to







the lawyer, saying: "Name them." 















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2. Missing a final exam















Introductory Chemistry was taught at







Duke University for many years by







professor Bonk. One year, two guys







took the class and did pretty well







on all the quizzes and mid-terms--so







much so that going into the final,







they each had a solid A. These two







friends were so confident going into







the final that the weekend before







finals week, despite the Chemistry







final being on Monday, they decided







to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina







to party with some friends.















They did this and had a great time.







However, with their hangovers and







tiredness, they overslept all day







Sunday and didn't make it back to







Duke until early Monday morning.







Rather than taking the final then,







they found professor Bonk after the







final and explained to him how they







missed the final. They told him they







went up to the University of Virgina







for the weekend and had planned to







come back in time to study, but they







had a flat tire on the way back and







didn't have a spare. They couldn't







fix it for a long time and were







late getting back to campus.















Bonk thought this over and agreed







that they could take the final the







following day. The two guys, elated







and relieved, studied that night and







went in the next day at the time that







Bonk had told them. He placed them







in separate rooms and handed each of







them a test booklet. He told them to







begin.















They looked at the first problem







which was something simple about







molarity and solutions; it was worth







5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this







is going to be an easy final". They







then turned the page. They were







unprepared, however, for what they







saw on it. The question contained







only two words: (95 points) Which







tire?















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3. A terrible car crash















Two men got out of their cars after







they collided at an intersection. One







took a flask from his pocket and said







to the other, "Here, maybe you'd like







a nip to calm your nerves."















"Thanks," he said, and took a long







pull from the container. "Here, you







have one, too," he added, handing back







the whiskey.















"Well, I'd rather not," said the







first. "At least not until after the







police have arrived." 















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