Computer Jokes

Costello calls Abbott with some questions about UNIX.


Costello: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program?


Abbott: Yes, that's correct.


Costello: No, what is it?


Abbott: Yes.


Costello: So, which is the one?


Abbott: No. 'which' is used to find the program.


Costello: Stop this. Who are you?


Abbott: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about 'yoo'.


Costello: All I want to know is what finds the revision code?


Abbott: Use 'what'.


Costello: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true?


Abbott: No. 'true' gives you 0.


Costello: Which one?


Abbott: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'


Costello: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?


Abbott: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code.


Costello: I want to find the revision code.


Abbott: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.


Costello: Which command will do what I need?


Abbott: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.


Costello: I think I understand. Let me write that.


Abbott: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.


Costello: Write what?


Abbott: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.


Costello: Cut that out!


Abbott: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options.


Costello: Do you always do this?


Abbott: 'du' will give you disk usage.


Costello: HELP!


Abbott: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).


Costello: You make me angry.


Abbott: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once.


Costello: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.


Abbott: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'.


Costello: Nice help! I'm confused more now!


Abbott: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name.


Costello: This is almost as confusing as my PC.


Abbott: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.