Holiday Jokes

15. I will not eat other animals' poop.


14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.


13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.




12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.


11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.


10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.




9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.


8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.


7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!




6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.


5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.


4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.




3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.


2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.


AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...


1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND