Lawyer Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.




Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.




Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.




Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.




Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.




Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: Once launched, they can't be recalled.




Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.