Guide Jokes

WOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED


Yes = No


No = Yes


Maybe = No


I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.


We need... = I want


It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don’t want you to.


I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron! You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like.


I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.


Am I fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.


You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.


Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.


Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.


I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.


In response to What’s wrong?:


The same old thing = Nothing


Nothing = Everything


Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an idiot!