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True Internet addiction
You Are Maliciously Internet Addicted When:
- You kiss your girlfriend's/boyfriend's home page.
- Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
- You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
- You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
- You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular-modem and a laptop.
- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.
- All you daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3...
- And even your night dreams are in HTML.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.
- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
- Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
- You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
- When looking at a page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
- Your pet has its own home page.
- You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.
- You can't call your grandmother..... she doesn't have a modem.
- You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
- You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
- Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
- You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
- You don't know the gender of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
- Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
- You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.
- You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
- You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
- You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
- You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
- You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
- Your friends no longer send you e-mail.... they just log on to your IRC channel.
- You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
- Your spouse makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
- You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
- You get a tattoo that says, "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."
- You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
- You forget what year it is.
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
- You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
- You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind... the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
- You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited".
- You turn on your computer and... turn off your significant other.
- Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
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