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Bad hostage negotiator
Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation
As Hostage Taker:
- Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.
- Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom.
- Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long.
- Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands.
- Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room.
- Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener.
- Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go.
- Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament.
- Forget your gun at home.
- Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie".
- Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you.
As Negotiator:
- Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner after the stand-off.
- When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It all you you you! What about my needs?!"
- When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly.
- Show up stoned and do anything at all.
- When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone "La la la la! I can't hear you!"
- Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants.
- Tell the hostage take that you think Rosanne Barr should play him in the TV movie of the stand-off.
- Tell the hostage taker you think it'd be really cool if a hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window.
- Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to hindu if he wants you to deal with him.
- When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him, "You're never gonna be on COPS with a wimp attitude like that."
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