North Carolina Jokes
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
2000 Federal Census for North Carolina
Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
What does everyone call you?
(_) Booger
(_) Bubba
(_) Junior
(_) Sissy
(_) Other___________________
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex:
____ M
_____ F
_____ Not sure
Shoe Size:
____ Left
____ Right
Occupation: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Unemployed
(_) Dirty Politician
(_) Preacher
Spouse's Name:_________________________
2nd Spouse's Name:_____________________
3rd Spouse's Name:_____________________
Lover's Name:__________________________
Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: ______
Number that are yours: ______
Mother's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4
(Circle highest grade completed)
Do you
(_) own or
(_) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
Total number of vehicles you own: ___
Number of vehicles that still crank: ___
Number of vehicles in front yard: ___
Number of vehicles in back yard: ___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: 196___
Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes
(_) No; If no, please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun
Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____
How often do you bathe:
(_) Weekly
(_) Monthly
(_) Not Applicable
Color of eyes:
Left______
Right_____
Color of hair:
(_) Blond
(_) Black
(_) Red
(_) Brown
(_) White
(_) Clairol
Color of teeth:
(_) Yellow
(_) Brownish-Yellow
(_) Brown
(_) Black
(_) N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_) 1 mile
(_) 2 miles
(_) just a whoop-and-a-holler
(_) road?
Dumb North Carolina Laws
It's against the law to sing off key.
Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.
If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.
A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.
Barber
Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
Chapel Hill
It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.
Charlotte
Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.
Elon College
There is to be no rollerblading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks. All the sidewalks at this college are made of brick. (Repealed in 1998)
Forest City
You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.
Greensboro
Restaurants "with on sidewalk dining" must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street.
Hornytown
Massage parlors have been banned.
Kill Devil Hills
You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.
Rocky Mount
It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog.
Southern Shores
It is against the law to rollerblade on a state highway.
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