Business Jokes

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.


ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."


IT: "Is that it?"


ME: "Yep."


IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"


ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]


At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says


IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."


He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.


IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"


MG: "No. A what?"


IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."


MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."


IT: "Yeah, thought so."


He comes back to me and says


IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"


ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"


IT: "I don't know."


ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"


IT: "Yeah."


ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"


IT: "Well, hang on a sec."


He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and . . .


IT: "He says I have to take it."


MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"


IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."


MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE."


IT: "What should I do?"


MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."


IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."


MG: "Just tell him."


IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."


The manager approaches me and says


MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night."


[it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor


mall with 100 other stores.]


ME: "Well, here's a two."


MG: "We don't take *those* either."


ME: "Why the hell not?"


MG: "I think you *know* why."


ME: "No really, tell me, why?"


MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."


ME: "Excuse me?"


MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."


ME: "What the hell for?"


MG: "Please, sir."


ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."


MG: "Would you please just leave?"


ME: "No."


MG: "Fine, have it your way then."


ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"


At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]


SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"


MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."


SG: "Really? What?"


MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."


SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]


MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has


is a fifty."


SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"


MG: "NO, the $2 is."


SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"


MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"


SG: "Yeah..."


Security guard walks over to me and says . . .


SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."


ME: "Uh, no."


SG: "Lemme see 'em."


ME: "Why?"


SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"


At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said


ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."


I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says:


SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"


MG: "It's fake."


SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."


MG: "But it's a **$2** bill."


SG: "Yeah?"


MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"


The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.


My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. It makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.