Science Jokes

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland

(Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz




Convection's cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and flood basalts the land did drown,

And clastics coarse fell all around, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!




Iapetus began to spread, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Detritus from thy coast was shed, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Thy slope was draped, so proud and great, with massive banks of carbonate,

Grand bank to meet so sad a fate, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!




For flysch encroaching from the east, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Devoured thy margin like a beast, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

The ocean floor was raised on high, its mafic head reared to the sky;

Its chromous threat was drawing nigh, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!




Your once-proud bank was bowing down, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Subduction did thy margin drown, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

The angry mantle did desire to smother thee with ash and fire,

And close Iapetus entire, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!




The island arc with fiery breath, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Did shower all the land with death, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Until subduction's starving throat, on Grenville crust was made to choke,

The tyrant's rule collision broke, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!




The land subsided in its pain, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Olistostromes in chaos reigned, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Then in Caradoc time there came a shale everywhere the same

That blanketed thy wounds and shame, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!




Behold! Upon thy ancient shore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

A landmass was annealed once more, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,

Alas! Thy trials go on and on, for rifting struck the Avalon -

The cycle must repeat anon, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!