Holiday Jokes

Two Irish friends greeted each other while waiting their turn at the bank window. "This reminds me of Finnegan," remarked one.


"What about Finnegan?" inquired the other.


"'Tis a story that Finnegan died, and when he greeted St. Peter, he said: 'It's a fine job you've had here for a long time.' 'Well, Finnegan,' said St. Peter, 'here we count a million years as a minute and a million dollars as a cent.' 'Ah!' said Finnegan, 'I'm needing cash. Lend me a cent.' 'Sure,' said St. Peter, 'just wait a minute.'"




Hennessy wasn't a very good looking fellow to start with. Now his business had failed, and his wife and family had left him. Depressed and distracted, he was standing near the edge of the bridge, contemplating suicide. Suddenly, he sensed that someone was behind him, and turning around he saw an ugly little old leprechaun.


"Don't jump," she said, and I'll grant you three wishes."


"Right," he said. "my first wish is to have $100,000."


She said, "When you check your account, you will find that you are in credit to that amount."


He then said, "My second wish is to have my wife and children back."


She said, "They will be there when you get home."


He said, "My third wish is to be tall and handsome."


She said, When you look in the mirror, you will find that your wish has been granted." Then she added, "I want you to do something in return for me. I want you to kiss me."


He looked at her and shuddered at the thought. But under the circumstances he thought he should do as she wanted. He took her in his arms and kissed her again and again.


She said, "What age are you?"


He replied, "I'm forty."


She said, "Don't you think that you're a bit too old to be believing in leprechauns?"