Parent Jokes

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings


DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.


FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.


FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.


GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.


HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.


INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.


OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings


PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.


SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.


STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.


TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.


TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.


VERBAL: able to whine in words


WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house