One Liner Jokes

Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them 'impressions' and it you got a different 'impression' so what, can't we all be brothers?


Probably to a shark about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because where does he think he's going?!


Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.


It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.


If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.


When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.


At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "I did," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.


If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised.


Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.