One Liner Jokes

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.


My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.


I like to reminisce with people I don't know.


I like to skate on the other side of the ice.


I'm so hyper . . . [Said with a very dull voice.]


If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.


Four years ago . . . No, it was yesterday. Today I . . . No, that wasn't me. Sometimes I . . . No, I don't.


Is it weird in here, or is it just me?


A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."