Office Jokes

Here’s a little clarification of corporate lingo.


COMPETITIVE SALARY:


We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.


JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:


We have no time to train you+-


CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:


We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.


MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:


You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.


SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:


Some time each night and some time each weekend.


DUTIES WILL VARY:


Anyone in the office can boss you around.


MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:


We have no quality control.


CAREER-MINDED:


Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).


APPLY IN PERSON:


If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.


NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:


We’ve filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.


SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.


PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:


You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.


REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:


You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.


GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:


Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.


I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.


I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.


MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:


I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.


I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:


I blame others for my mistakes.


I’M PERSONABLE:


I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.


I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:


I carry a Day-Timer.


I AM ADAPTABLE:


I’ve changed jobs a lot.


I AM ON THE GO:


I’m never at my desk.