Office Jokes

TO: ALL PERSONNEL

FROM: ACCOUNTING




It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.


Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.


The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.




Thank you,

Accounting




Attached: Extended Job-Code List

Code and Explanation

5316 Useless Meeting


5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting


5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting


5319 Waiting for Break


5320 Waiting for Lunch


5321 Waiting for End of Day


5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker


5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present


5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend


5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning


5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid


5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You


5481 Buying Snack


5482 Eating Snack


5500 Filling Out Timesheet


5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries


5502 Waiting for Something to Happen


5503 Scratching Yourself


5504 Sleeping


5510 Feeling Bored


5511 Feeling Horny


5600 Complaining About Lousy Job


5601 Complaining About Low Pay


5602 Complaining About Long Hours


5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)


5604 Complaining About Boss


5605 Complaining About Personal Problems


5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining


5701 Not Actually Present At Job


5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu


6102 Ordering Out


6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive


6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food


6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit


6201 Stealing Company Goods


6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods


6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls


6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods


6205 Hiding from Boss


6206 Gossip


6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)


6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself


6211 Updating Resume


6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter


6213 Out of Office on Interview


6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching


6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job


6223 Pretending You Like Coworker


6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks


6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing


6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl


6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)


6602 Complaining


6603 Writing a Book on Company Time


6611 Staring Into Space


6612 Staring At Computer Screen


6615 Transcendental Meditation


7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)


7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone


7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone


7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone


7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone


7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone


7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone


7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone


7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone


7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone


7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity


8000 Recreational Drug Use


8001 Non-recreational Drug Use


8002 Liquid Lunch


8100 Reading e-mail