State Jokes

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable




2000 Federal Census for North Carolina



Last name: ________________



First name: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Billy-Bob

(_) Billy-Joe

(_) Billy-Ray

(_) Billy-Sue

(_) Billy-Mae

(_) Billy-Jack



What does everyone call you?

(_) Booger

(_) Bubba

(_) Junior

(_) Sissy

(_) Other___________________



Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)



Sex:

____ M

_____ F

_____ Not sure



Shoe Size:

____ Left

____ Right



Occupation: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Farmer

(_) Mechanic

(_) Hair Dresser

(_) Unemployed

(_) Dirty Politician

(_) Preacher



Spouse's Name:_________________________

2nd Spouse's Name:_____________________

3rd Spouse's Name:_____________________

Lover's Name:__________________________



Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Sister

(_) Brother

(_) Aunt

(_) Uncle

(_) Cousin

(_) Mother

(_) Father

(_) Son

(_) Daughter

(_) Pet



Number of children living in household: _____

Number of children living in shed: ______

Number that are yours: ______



Mother's Name: _______________________

(If not sure, leave blank)

Father's Name: _______________________

(If not sure, leave blank)



Education: 1 2 3 4

(Circle highest grade completed)



Do you

(_) own or

(_) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)



Total number of vehicles you own: ___

Number of vehicles that still crank: ___

Number of vehicles in front yard: ___

Number of vehicles in back yard: ___

Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___



Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck

____ bedroom

____ bathroom

____ kitchen

____ shed



Model and year of your pickup: 196___



Do you have a gun rack?

(_) Yes

(_) No; If no, please explain:



Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

(_) The National Enquirer

(_) The Globe

(_) TV Guide

(_) Soap Opera Digest

(_) Rifle and Shotgun



Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____

Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____

Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____



How often do you bathe:

(_) Weekly

(_) Monthly

(_) Not Applicable



Color of eyes:

Left______

Right_____



Color of hair:

(_) Blond

(_) Black

(_) Red

(_) Brown

(_) White

(_) Clairol



Color of teeth:

(_) Yellow

(_) Brownish-Yellow

(_) Brown

(_) Black

(_) N/A



Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

(_)Red-Man



How far is your home from a paved road?

(_) 1 mile

(_) 2 miles

(_) just a whoop-and-a-holler

(_) road?





Dumb North Carolina Laws

It's against the law to sing off key.

Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.

If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.

All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.

A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.

Barber

Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.

Chapel Hill

It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.

Charlotte

Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.

Elon College

There is to be no rollerblading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks. All the sidewalks at this college are made of brick. (Repealed in 1998)

Forest City

You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.

Greensboro

Restaurants "with on sidewalk dining" must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street.

Hornytown

Massage parlors have been banned.

Kill Devil Hills

You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.

Rocky Mount

It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog.

Southern Shores

It is against the law to rollerblade on a state highway.






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