Marriage Jokes

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"


Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.


They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.


When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.


There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.


A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -- Bruce Friedman


A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin Kitman


A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.


A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.


A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. -- Helen Rowland