Math Jokes

A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.


According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority.


Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed?


80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot.


According to a recent survey, 33 of the people say they participate in surveys.


Q: What do you call a statistician on drugs?

A: A high flyer.


Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 1-3, alpha = .05


There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.


Q: Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees?

A: It's referred to as the log scale.


Q: Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course?

A: He improved his confidence from .95 to .99.


Q: Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes?

A: Lack of fit.


Q: Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail?

A: He now has zero degrees of freedom.


Statisticians must stay away from children's toys because they regress so easily.


The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention.


Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.


Old statisticians never die, they just undergo a transformation.


Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?

A: Check the p-value.


Q: Did you hear about the statistician who made a career change and became an surgeon specializing in ob/gyn?

A: His specialty was histerectograms.


The most important statistic for car manufacturers is autocorrelation.


Some statisticians don't drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots.


Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.


The Lipton Company is big on statistics--especially t-tests.