Lightbulb Jokes

Q: How many neurophysiologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Six. One to remove the old bulb and examine it under the microscope to find out what went wrong, one to blow a tube of glass into the bulb shape, one to coil the tungsten wire filament, one to clean up the metal base of the old bulb, one to operate the vacuum pump to get rid of the air in the bulb and one to apply the glue to seal the new bulb into the old base. The new bulb won't work, of course, but the whole process uses up a lot of expensive equipment and keeps several intelligent people happily employed doing something totally useless.




Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.




Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably won't work either.




Q: How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.




Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.




Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to turn on a light bulb?

A: 33 - 1 to process the instruction and 32 to process the interrupt.




Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they're arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.




Q: How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the tee-shirts.