Lawyer Jokes

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?

A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!




Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer twice.




Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start!




Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.




Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.




Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.




Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.




Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.




A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"

The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"




Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?

A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers




Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?

A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.




Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.