Food Jokes

Bachelor's Diet


MONDAY:


BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth


LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.


AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox


DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.




TUESDAY:


BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw


LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.


DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.




WEDNESDAY:


BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's


LUNCH - Rolaids and a coke


DINNER - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps




THURSDAY:


BREAKFAST - Order out for pizza


LUNCH - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.


DINNER - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.




FRIDAY:


BREAKFAST - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you.


LUNCH - Skip lunch, Fridays are murder


DINNER - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.




SATURDAY:


BREAKFAST - Sleep through it.


LUNCH - Ditto


DINNER - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.




SUNDAY:


BREAKFAST - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.


LUNCH - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.


DINNER - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.