Old Age Jokes

I am a senior citizen...


- I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm.


- I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.


- I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.


- I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid...


- I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.


- I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.


- I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.


- I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over.


- I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.


- I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care.


- I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians...


- I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet.


- I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.


- I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.


- I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh...


- I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.


- I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.


- I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.


- I'm in the *initial* state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP.


- I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?


- I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.


- I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the key to the storeroom.


- I'm a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life... Aren't I?