After many unhappy replies from our current



vending service we decided that what they



really needed was a different form letter



that was more closely tied to their true



feeling:







        BFD Vending Service







Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints



about our vending service.







___ We are aware that _____________ machine



has not been stocked in _____ days.



  __ We are waiting for the weekend.



  __ We are out of items that have expired.



  __ We're busy, don't bother us about this.



  __ We don't care.







___ We are aware that the price for _______



seems high at $_______ but,



  __ we have to make a living.



  __ we use an algorithm 3*retail+your_age.



  __ we charge others more.



  __ we adjust it to allow for spoilage.







___ We are aware that



  __ the sodas are warm



  __ the milk is curdled



  __ sandwiches are stale



  __ gum is hard



  __ candy bars are petrified



     and assure you that that is



     the way it is supposed to be, really.







___ We understand that



  __ the bill changer can't,



  __ coin return won't,



  __ product selection doesn't,



     and believe that



  __ you should relax, it all evens out.



  __ learn to live with it.



  __ bring in your own change next time.



  __ be happy it gave you anything.



  __ quit eating so much junk food.







Thank you and Happy Eating.